Well, I failed out of school again.
This doesn't mean I can never go back. It doesn't mean I can't go somewhere else. It just means I probably can't go back to my current university. At least for now.
The thing is, I don't think I should go back. I don't think I'm capable of pushing myself through a number of math classes, in addition to everything else. I'm too depressed. On the other hand, I keep thinking "you're gonna let a few math classes get in the way of your dreams?"
I don't even know what my dreams are anymore. Being a therapist sounds nice, but what if it's too much socially? What about all the money it will cost to do everything? What about that horrific math? What about graduate school? What if it's like most every other job I've had and it's too stressful? I just don't know if going to college was ever a good idea.
But now that I'm not in it, I feel so worthless. I don't know what to do. I'm scared we'll not have enough money. I'm scared about making my loan payments. A degree would've offered security for me. Maybe. What job would I have gotten? What degree, even? I don't know. I didn't know. And I've spent about $30,000 getting nowhere.
Maybe this was for the best. I just don't know what to do now.
