Sorry I was so angry, geez.
Things are so much better now. Stephen is regaining confidence and being himself again. I see how much happier he is. He is a great friend and always there for me. There is this girl he's been seeing who is everything he'd want, and she's way into him, so I hope that goes somewhere. He deserves to be happy.
We both decided that our relationship was haunted. He couldn't show affection without thinking of what he did and feeling like the gestures wouldn't be genuine. So he did nothing. In turn, I grew more resentful and hurt. I felt alone. I don't feel like I portrayed accurately how much of this is my fault too. Sure, he landed the first blows to our relationship (as an idiot 19 year old mind you), but I certainly finished it off in an ugly way. I am just as responsible for what happened.
However, the hard feelings are gone, and all I feel is remorse for hurting someone I care so much for. For unintentionally making him pay for something he did when he was not himself. I just wish him the best, and hope we can always be friends and co-parents to Millie.
My new relationship has been very difficult at times. I'm not used to someone voicing their opinions or disagreeing with me. I knew Stephen was easy to get along with, but I don't think I appreciated it as much as I should have. :)
Anyway, this is not as easy, but it is healthier. And I'm grateful for that. We're learning what works for us (because it's too easy to escalate everything). It's rewarding when we work through things.
It's almost my birthday and almost Thanksgiving (my favorite), so I'm happy now. This past 1.5 months has not been easy at all. I lost a really good job plus other things going on, but I'm so excited for the holidays. There is still so much to be grateful for.
