I'm not sure where to begin here. I guess we already know that I get scared sometimes. We already know that I'm having a couple of problems and that I am only in stage 1 of kidney failure. We already know that I worry too much about aneurysms (more so now that I've remembered I am heterozygous for blood clotting factor 5 Leiden). We don't know the progression rate and thus we can't make any estimates.
So, there we are. Anyway, in my free time I like to plan and scrutinize, re-plan, and polish. Most often the plans revolve around my future. But I've realized that it is very difficult to plan a future with so many unknowns ahead.
I don't know how bad it will get. I don't know how much pain I'll be in. I don't know if I'll have the energy or the constitution to work. I don't know if I'll be able to have kids. I don't know if I'll be able to have more than one if at all. I don't know if I want to take prescription pain killers. I don't know if I would even want a kidney transplant if I needed one. I don't really know a lot of things and, so far, neither does anyone else.
So, because I don't know these things, I don't know how to go on with my life! I do NOT want to waste my time. I am also hesitant to waste money...so I am unsure how to continue my education. All I know is that I want to continue it. I don't know if I'll be able to do a dream job anymore or if it would even happen with a degree. I would still love to have a bachelors in community health, but would it be worth it to get a degree if I can't work?
But there is the possibility that the pain will never get worse. There is a 50% chance I won't need a kidney transplant ever. The problem is that I can't know that until next year maybe (after getting another CT scan and comparing the progression), or 10 to 30 years from now (when kidneys generally need to be transplanted in PKD people).
It's just weird. Most people, even me up until July, have at least some idea of how their life is going to go. I really have no clue at this point. I could just do what I want and live for the moment, but I'm not that irresponsible. I don't want to spend my life paying for making rash decisions. So...that's what I've been thinking about. Also, google PKD belly. It's frightening.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
"Feminism" in the church
You know, it may surprise you, but I would never classify myself as a feminist. Firstly because I don't really know what that means. Second, because I'm more about equal rights than simply women's rights.
Anyway, I feel ostracised from my church sometimes because I think a lot of my friends and family identify me as a feminist. If not, a confused, liberal, wayward soul who will one day free herself of her crazy ideas and conform to the truth. I just know that some people feel like they need to be on the defensive whenever they talk about the church with me, especially when it comes to feminism. However, I'm really not as hostile as people think. I'm less angry than I am sad and troubled about the notions I hear people, leaders say.
Now, it's difficult to understand where I come from if you don't know what I believe. I believe the prophet communes with God. I'm not sure I believe that it is in person or anything, but I truly believe he is inspired when he asks to be. However, the apostles and all other leaders have the same amount of communication with God that I do. God is my father too, and I happen to commune frequently with him - 98% of that communication is through feelings. And I feel like some leaders have been mislead by earthly thoughts and male dogma when it comes to what they call inspiration. Hence, Elder Holland's talk about the fallacy of man.
Obviously, they're going to be right about things most of the time. All you have to do is pray with an open mind and an open heart, but if you fail at either of these steps, you'll be susceptible to misguidance. It happens to me occasionally, and I know it happens to them.
Anyway, now that you understand where I come from, maybe it would be easier to explain why I feel the way I do about women and their roles in the church, in the family, and in life. In our church, it is drilled into our skulls from an early age that a woman's rightful place, her destined place is to be in the home and to be a mother. They're not against women getting jobs and they "understand" when a woman is displaced for any reason from her home, but they claim to be saddened by that. They sometimes claim that it's ruining families not having the mother in the home.
Well, I disagree. I have never once felt like not getting a career. Since I was 5 years old, I wanted to be something. I have wanted to be a mother too of course, but only if I had a job as well and preferably a stay-at-home husband to balance things out. So, you can't say it was "the world" pressuring me to have a career since I've wanted one since I was 5. Where I really feel pressure is the church telling me any chance they get that I should be a mother and I am essential to the home. If every woman's divine nature and purpose is to be a mother, then logic follows that women are only women to be mothers. That is where I stop the buck. I know for a fact that I am a woman for so many more reasons than just being a mother. It's part of my identity and who I am. I feel so horrible when anyone even implies that my divine purpose is only to be a mother. There is more divinity to my womanhood than that.
Of course I'm not saying motherhood is a bad thing or even a small thing. Procreating is essential and beautiful and glorious. It is divine. However, I get the feeling that people are confused as to what womanhood really means. In fact, I think they've melded motherhood and womanhood together. What would that mean for the infertile women? How must they feel? If they only understood how much God really cared about them and his purpose in making them who they are, I think they'd be much happier. Women are women. We have different anatomies, chemical compositions, and instincts than men do. There is so much more to being a woman than motherhood. Motherhood is part of it, and it's a wondrous opportunity for most of us, but it isn't womanhood.
Another problem I have (and it's the reason I've written this post) is the blatant objectification of women. This is what I would call a worldly problem simply because it is a problem in many parts of the world. I believe it stems from our anthropologic history of women. We've always been stereotyped as helpless, demure, and even weaker than out male counterparts. Perhaps even biologically we are weaker as men tend to build bulk muscle more easily.
Wherever it comes from, women have always been objectified. From cavemen who dragged women by their hair to a nearby cave to rape them, to today where rape and domestic violence are still common, we've been objectified. Now, in no way am I saying the church condones rape or violence in any way, but there is a different form of objectification seeping it's way into modern leaders' speech.
It's called modesty. Modesty is a way we show that we respect our bodies. It's a way to keep us pure. At least that's what they used to say. I understand it's place. I understand why it's important, however, it has become a tool for evil and I can't tolerate it anymore.
"[Y]oung women, please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you."- Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Pornography," Ensign, May 2005 p. 90
Let me tell you something: women, you are NOT pornography if you show some skin. God did not make pornography! That's ludicrous! Your body is a work of art and it's beautiful. Aside, men, if you really can't control your thoughts after seeing a girl's shoulders or thighs, that's a you problem that you need to work on. How can you say how wonderful and important women are to families and to God one day and the next tell them that, if they don't dress the way you like, they're pornography? How can you seriously say that?
It's not just here though. There are plenty of quotes about how we should be modest so men won't have impure thoughts. First, it makes the male seem like he has no control. It's silly. Second, it objectifies us. The very thing we're trying to stray away from!
Now generally, the church tries its best to keep clear of objectifying women. They say we were made differently yet equally. They give us church responsibilities and roles. They try to promote women's influence in all aspects of the church. And they generally do an impressive job. Also, I should add that 90% of the time, the leaders get it so right. They craft the most beautiful, meaningful, wonderful messages that I 100% approve of ether instantly or through thought and prayer. They receive inspiration. However, I just can't look away and ignore the discrepancies. I am shocked that so many don't notice or don't say anything. It makes me sad that people, women believe these things simply because it came from an authority's mouth!
Women, please know that your only master is God. Be prayerful and alert if something doesn't seem right. Do your duty as a child of God and communicate with him for yourself and voice your concerns. Ask questions and wait for the answers in faith and know that he is always there for you. He loves you and he wants you to be happy with your womanhood, with his gospel truth, and with his guidance.
Anyway, I feel ostracised from my church sometimes because I think a lot of my friends and family identify me as a feminist. If not, a confused, liberal, wayward soul who will one day free herself of her crazy ideas and conform to the truth. I just know that some people feel like they need to be on the defensive whenever they talk about the church with me, especially when it comes to feminism. However, I'm really not as hostile as people think. I'm less angry than I am sad and troubled about the notions I hear people, leaders say.
Now, it's difficult to understand where I come from if you don't know what I believe. I believe the prophet communes with God. I'm not sure I believe that it is in person or anything, but I truly believe he is inspired when he asks to be. However, the apostles and all other leaders have the same amount of communication with God that I do. God is my father too, and I happen to commune frequently with him - 98% of that communication is through feelings. And I feel like some leaders have been mislead by earthly thoughts and male dogma when it comes to what they call inspiration. Hence, Elder Holland's talk about the fallacy of man.
Obviously, they're going to be right about things most of the time. All you have to do is pray with an open mind and an open heart, but if you fail at either of these steps, you'll be susceptible to misguidance. It happens to me occasionally, and I know it happens to them.
Anyway, now that you understand where I come from, maybe it would be easier to explain why I feel the way I do about women and their roles in the church, in the family, and in life. In our church, it is drilled into our skulls from an early age that a woman's rightful place, her destined place is to be in the home and to be a mother. They're not against women getting jobs and they "understand" when a woman is displaced for any reason from her home, but they claim to be saddened by that. They sometimes claim that it's ruining families not having the mother in the home.
Well, I disagree. I have never once felt like not getting a career. Since I was 5 years old, I wanted to be something. I have wanted to be a mother too of course, but only if I had a job as well and preferably a stay-at-home husband to balance things out. So, you can't say it was "the world" pressuring me to have a career since I've wanted one since I was 5. Where I really feel pressure is the church telling me any chance they get that I should be a mother and I am essential to the home. If every woman's divine nature and purpose is to be a mother, then logic follows that women are only women to be mothers. That is where I stop the buck. I know for a fact that I am a woman for so many more reasons than just being a mother. It's part of my identity and who I am. I feel so horrible when anyone even implies that my divine purpose is only to be a mother. There is more divinity to my womanhood than that.
Of course I'm not saying motherhood is a bad thing or even a small thing. Procreating is essential and beautiful and glorious. It is divine. However, I get the feeling that people are confused as to what womanhood really means. In fact, I think they've melded motherhood and womanhood together. What would that mean for the infertile women? How must they feel? If they only understood how much God really cared about them and his purpose in making them who they are, I think they'd be much happier. Women are women. We have different anatomies, chemical compositions, and instincts than men do. There is so much more to being a woman than motherhood. Motherhood is part of it, and it's a wondrous opportunity for most of us, but it isn't womanhood.
Another problem I have (and it's the reason I've written this post) is the blatant objectification of women. This is what I would call a worldly problem simply because it is a problem in many parts of the world. I believe it stems from our anthropologic history of women. We've always been stereotyped as helpless, demure, and even weaker than out male counterparts. Perhaps even biologically we are weaker as men tend to build bulk muscle more easily.
Wherever it comes from, women have always been objectified. From cavemen who dragged women by their hair to a nearby cave to rape them, to today where rape and domestic violence are still common, we've been objectified. Now, in no way am I saying the church condones rape or violence in any way, but there is a different form of objectification seeping it's way into modern leaders' speech.
It's called modesty. Modesty is a way we show that we respect our bodies. It's a way to keep us pure. At least that's what they used to say. I understand it's place. I understand why it's important, however, it has become a tool for evil and I can't tolerate it anymore.
"[Y]oung women, please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you."- Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Pornography," Ensign, May 2005 p. 90
Let me tell you something: women, you are NOT pornography if you show some skin. God did not make pornography! That's ludicrous! Your body is a work of art and it's beautiful. Aside, men, if you really can't control your thoughts after seeing a girl's shoulders or thighs, that's a you problem that you need to work on. How can you say how wonderful and important women are to families and to God one day and the next tell them that, if they don't dress the way you like, they're pornography? How can you seriously say that?
It's not just here though. There are plenty of quotes about how we should be modest so men won't have impure thoughts. First, it makes the male seem like he has no control. It's silly. Second, it objectifies us. The very thing we're trying to stray away from!
Now generally, the church tries its best to keep clear of objectifying women. They say we were made differently yet equally. They give us church responsibilities and roles. They try to promote women's influence in all aspects of the church. And they generally do an impressive job. Also, I should add that 90% of the time, the leaders get it so right. They craft the most beautiful, meaningful, wonderful messages that I 100% approve of ether instantly or through thought and prayer. They receive inspiration. However, I just can't look away and ignore the discrepancies. I am shocked that so many don't notice or don't say anything. It makes me sad that people, women believe these things simply because it came from an authority's mouth!
Women, please know that your only master is God. Be prayerful and alert if something doesn't seem right. Do your duty as a child of God and communicate with him for yourself and voice your concerns. Ask questions and wait for the answers in faith and know that he is always there for you. He loves you and he wants you to be happy with your womanhood, with his gospel truth, and with his guidance.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
My baby girl!
So, it probably stemmed from a pregnancy test I took yesterday. I'm not trying or anything, I just don't take birth control and (TMI) my periods are not cyclical and sometimes completely absent. Anyway, it's definitely negative and I left it at that and didn't think about it again.
However, my brain apparently did. I can't remember the gist of the dream, but at some point I gave birth to the cutest baby girl! I was asleep in the dream and I don't remember being pregnant ever, but I woke up in the dream and had given birth! She was already cleaned off and swaddled up when I first saw her, but she had the biggest dark eyes and lots of black hair (for a newborn baby). She had this tiny white headband with a tiny bow.
I was told she was mine and I was in love. I loved her. I picked her right up and held her for awhile. I went to feed her and she had those little mittens on her hands to keep her from scratching her face. She fed really easily, but kept getting distracted. Anyway, eventually everyone wanted to know what her name was.
Well, I couldn't figure it out, but then I remembered that I had a list. So, I said her name was Quincy, but I kept calling her that, and it just didn't fit. Then I called her Anne. And that was definitely a no, and it wasn't even on my list. Then I called her Hannah, and that was getting somewhere, but it still wasn't right.
Eventually, playing with the name Hannah, I got Jo Hannah and shortened it to Joanna. And that was her name. It just fit. Now, I'm not a huge fan of that name, but it worked for her and it was her name. I just knew it. Then I said her middle name was Lynne or Evalyn (I never did figure out what her middle name was). Either way, I loved having a daughter. And now I want one!
However, my brain apparently did. I can't remember the gist of the dream, but at some point I gave birth to the cutest baby girl! I was asleep in the dream and I don't remember being pregnant ever, but I woke up in the dream and had given birth! She was already cleaned off and swaddled up when I first saw her, but she had the biggest dark eyes and lots of black hair (for a newborn baby). She had this tiny white headband with a tiny bow.
I was told she was mine and I was in love. I loved her. I picked her right up and held her for awhile. I went to feed her and she had those little mittens on her hands to keep her from scratching her face. She fed really easily, but kept getting distracted. Anyway, eventually everyone wanted to know what her name was.
Well, I couldn't figure it out, but then I remembered that I had a list. So, I said her name was Quincy, but I kept calling her that, and it just didn't fit. Then I called her Anne. And that was definitely a no, and it wasn't even on my list. Then I called her Hannah, and that was getting somewhere, but it still wasn't right.
Eventually, playing with the name Hannah, I got Jo Hannah and shortened it to Joanna. And that was her name. It just fit. Now, I'm not a huge fan of that name, but it worked for her and it was her name. I just knew it. Then I said her middle name was Lynne or Evalyn (I never did figure out what her middle name was). Either way, I loved having a daughter. And now I want one!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Parenting Plans
One of the funnest parts of being married is talking about babies, parenting, and pregnancy. Well, it's fun for us, anyway. It's fun for the same reason we love shopping together; we love making joint decisions. We're both indecisive about most things, so we do that a lot.
Anyway, we tend to agree about parenting things. Obviously we won't know how we really feel until we have one and go through everything, but we make plans anyway. For funsies. So far, we have:
Anyway, we tend to agree about parenting things. Obviously we won't know how we really feel until we have one and go through everything, but we make plans anyway. For funsies. So far, we have:
- Pregnancy is going to suck so badly for me, but Steve will love it.
- We're both excited about getting a bump.
- We have some names we like; Girl names: Hannon, Estelle, Quincy, Eve. Boy names: Sterling Archer, Quintus, Asher Gabriel, Ezekiel James.
- He would be a fantastic father
- Babies drain my energy and are frustrating
- We can't decide what age would be "ready" for "the talk", but we know what we'll say
- We want a boy
- There is no way we can only have one kid - only child syndrome
- Two is ideal, but we definitely don't want more than three
- The earliest we'd want to have babies is next October after we get sealed, the latest would be whenever PKD says I can't have them anymore
- We want to have a stable job and an apartment before pregnancy happens
Well, that's what we have so far. I guess we don't talk about it that often, but we have fun when it happens.
WHO? CDC? UN?
So, I know I've mentioned these organizations before...perhaps even in this blog, but I pursued different aspirations (as usual) and set these to the side. I'm once again attempting to aim my life in a direction I can sustain and I'm revisiting these organizations.
I'm trying not to make it too public (because of the many, many career path changes), but almost no one reads this blog, so I feel it okay to expound on this idea.
So, what happened to criminal justice? Nursing? Social Work?
Criminal Justice: I still love criminal justice and forensic science, and that won't ever leave. However, I am concerned with the dwindling civilian crime scene tech positions. I am also concerned with the job necessitating the need to live in dangerous areas = no crime, no crime scene techs. I don't want to worry about my family or my home while I'm away. No job is worth the welfare of my family. Lastly, there aren't any programs around here that would qualify me enough to give me job stability. Sure, UVU has a forensic science program, but it requires calculus, physics, and chemistry. Weber's forensic science emphasis is doable, but it isn't a bachelors in science. They'll gladly take biology majors over that.
Nursing: I really enjoyed learning about first aid, pathophysiology, and disease, but practicing in the field was not what I expected. I cried the night before each of my clinicals out of fear. Oh yeah, I have GAD. I don't know why I thought I'd be okay, but I wanted to be. I liked helping people out. I especially enjoyed feeding and bathing the patients, but I was scared the whole time. Light-headed and nervous. In fact, I had a panic attack on the first day when I realized I was alone, and I left. Less importantly, I realized that I didn't like the atmosphere of people dying. They're decaying. They're miserable. There was nothing I could do to fix that. I did not like being helpless. All that iced with the sue-happy attitudes I noticed was enough to turn me off.
Social Work: See previous post. In short, I can't risk what mental health I have. I want to be a happy person and being helpless, seeing the worst in society, and risking injury all the time is not conducive to that.
Despite ultimately dropping my nursing path, I did learn a lot and I am grateful for what I learned. I am most grateful for my CPR certification.Yet, though one door closed, another opened. My teacher had this soap box about the medicine industry that he stood on many times. A nurse said that medicine is all about money. Medicine focuses on treatments, not cures. He gave a couple of modern examples, but I decided to look into this myself. Turns out, he was right. Not only that, politics play a very big role (for some reason) in people getting these treatments! My eyes were opened to this hidden side of the medical field that I hadn't even considered before.
Anyway, I became really excited about overthrowing this whole operation. The option of good health is a human right to me, and it shouldn't be man-handled by politics or society. I want to help fight HIV/AIDS, teach sex education, and make contraception available where it needs to be. There is so much more, but I can't possibly list everything without going on tangents or ranting.
I'm trying not to make it too public (because of the many, many career path changes), but almost no one reads this blog, so I feel it okay to expound on this idea.
So, what happened to criminal justice? Nursing? Social Work?
Criminal Justice: I still love criminal justice and forensic science, and that won't ever leave. However, I am concerned with the dwindling civilian crime scene tech positions. I am also concerned with the job necessitating the need to live in dangerous areas = no crime, no crime scene techs. I don't want to worry about my family or my home while I'm away. No job is worth the welfare of my family. Lastly, there aren't any programs around here that would qualify me enough to give me job stability. Sure, UVU has a forensic science program, but it requires calculus, physics, and chemistry. Weber's forensic science emphasis is doable, but it isn't a bachelors in science. They'll gladly take biology majors over that.
Nursing: I really enjoyed learning about first aid, pathophysiology, and disease, but practicing in the field was not what I expected. I cried the night before each of my clinicals out of fear. Oh yeah, I have GAD. I don't know why I thought I'd be okay, but I wanted to be. I liked helping people out. I especially enjoyed feeding and bathing the patients, but I was scared the whole time. Light-headed and nervous. In fact, I had a panic attack on the first day when I realized I was alone, and I left. Less importantly, I realized that I didn't like the atmosphere of people dying. They're decaying. They're miserable. There was nothing I could do to fix that. I did not like being helpless. All that iced with the sue-happy attitudes I noticed was enough to turn me off.
Social Work: See previous post. In short, I can't risk what mental health I have. I want to be a happy person and being helpless, seeing the worst in society, and risking injury all the time is not conducive to that.
Despite ultimately dropping my nursing path, I did learn a lot and I am grateful for what I learned. I am most grateful for my CPR certification.Yet, though one door closed, another opened. My teacher had this soap box about the medicine industry that he stood on many times. A nurse said that medicine is all about money. Medicine focuses on treatments, not cures. He gave a couple of modern examples, but I decided to look into this myself. Turns out, he was right. Not only that, politics play a very big role (for some reason) in people getting these treatments! My eyes were opened to this hidden side of the medical field that I hadn't even considered before.
Anyway, I became really excited about overthrowing this whole operation. The option of good health is a human right to me, and it shouldn't be man-handled by politics or society. I want to help fight HIV/AIDS, teach sex education, and make contraception available where it needs to be. There is so much more, but I can't possibly list everything without going on tangents or ranting.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Fragile
I have been reading an interesting blog written by a burnt out social worker. You may have guessed that the reason for doing so is career-related. And you're right. Everything was informative and making sense, but then something came up that I hadn't truly considered before.
Mental health of a social worker.
I don't like admitting this, but my mental health is fragile. My physical health gets closer to fragility every year. I knew about this before, but it didn't really click: social work is a dangerous job. You're working with mentally ill people, physically abusive people, sexual convicts, etc. They get injured all the time - something I am sure I could handle, but there is a possibility of getting raped.
If your boss tells you to take a case alone because the agency you work for is overloaded (which it most likely will be), you are on your own. With a rapist. Or a violent ex con. The physical trauma is horrifying, but the emotional/mental trauma? That can last forever. It can ruin your relationships, the way you view people, your sense of security... everything.
So, I'm thinking social work would be a no for me. I hate to be a chicken, but my mental health couldn't handle something like that, let alone the daily grind of only being able to help so much. You can't help everyone, and that's a reality I'd like to be ignorant of.
Mental health of a social worker.
I don't like admitting this, but my mental health is fragile. My physical health gets closer to fragility every year. I knew about this before, but it didn't really click: social work is a dangerous job. You're working with mentally ill people, physically abusive people, sexual convicts, etc. They get injured all the time - something I am sure I could handle, but there is a possibility of getting raped.
If your boss tells you to take a case alone because the agency you work for is overloaded (which it most likely will be), you are on your own. With a rapist. Or a violent ex con. The physical trauma is horrifying, but the emotional/mental trauma? That can last forever. It can ruin your relationships, the way you view people, your sense of security... everything.
So, I'm thinking social work would be a no for me. I hate to be a chicken, but my mental health couldn't handle something like that, let alone the daily grind of only being able to help so much. You can't help everyone, and that's a reality I'd like to be ignorant of.
Monday, October 7, 2013
INFP (Careers)
I don't know how to start this post, so I'll just jump in.
INFP is my personality type as dictated by the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test. I happen to think it is the most accurate and profound personality test out there, so if you'd like to take it, go ahead!
Anyway, as I am trying to decide yet again what I want to do with my life (more accurately, how to get there), I decided to look into what would fit my personality type.
Now, in some ways I am proud to be INFP. They're considered "healers" and the type itself is very rare - accounting for about 6% of the population at most. Cool people are INFPs: Phoebe from FRIENDS, Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, Princess Diana, Helen Keller, and some say John Lennon. However, we also often get described as emo and we're reportedly "terrified of conflict".
I'd say that I'm sensitive. INFPs are prone to depression, so I'll give them that, but afraid of conflict? No. I am uncomfortable with hurt feelings and resentment, but disagreements are to be explored. I usually only bother if I think someone is wrong from a moral standpoint - also a characteristic of INFPs.
Anyway (it's hard not to go off on tangents), as visionaries and people-readers, it is ideal for us to be writers, clergy workers, missionaries, psychologists, social scientists, social workers, teachers, musicians, or some say artists, librarians, or even physical therapists.
On one hand, it explains why the social sciences come to me so easily. Criminal Justice, Sociology, Anthropology, and Social Work were a collective breeze. On the other, I have GAD so...
I don't know anymore.
I really love nursing, I just can't work with the patients. I cried the night before each of my clinicals out of fear. I love criminal justice, but it doesn't seem like there would be a job for me in that field - cop wouldn't work for previously mentioned reasons, I'm no scientist so I can't be a labbie, and crime scene technicians seem to be a thing of the past.
All I want is to be a useful person. I want my work to have a positive impact in the lives of others. I want to be comfortable when I go to work (not too much social interaction) and my degree has to be do-able (not too much math or science). Tall order, apparently.
INFP is my personality type as dictated by the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test. I happen to think it is the most accurate and profound personality test out there, so if you'd like to take it, go ahead!
Anyway, as I am trying to decide yet again what I want to do with my life (more accurately, how to get there), I decided to look into what would fit my personality type.
Now, in some ways I am proud to be INFP. They're considered "healers" and the type itself is very rare - accounting for about 6% of the population at most. Cool people are INFPs: Phoebe from FRIENDS, Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, Princess Diana, Helen Keller, and some say John Lennon. However, we also often get described as emo and we're reportedly "terrified of conflict".
I'd say that I'm sensitive. INFPs are prone to depression, so I'll give them that, but afraid of conflict? No. I am uncomfortable with hurt feelings and resentment, but disagreements are to be explored. I usually only bother if I think someone is wrong from a moral standpoint - also a characteristic of INFPs.
Anyway (it's hard not to go off on tangents), as visionaries and people-readers, it is ideal for us to be writers, clergy workers, missionaries, psychologists, social scientists, social workers, teachers, musicians, or some say artists, librarians, or even physical therapists.
On one hand, it explains why the social sciences come to me so easily. Criminal Justice, Sociology, Anthropology, and Social Work were a collective breeze. On the other, I have GAD so...
I don't know anymore.
I really love nursing, I just can't work with the patients. I cried the night before each of my clinicals out of fear. I love criminal justice, but it doesn't seem like there would be a job for me in that field - cop wouldn't work for previously mentioned reasons, I'm no scientist so I can't be a labbie, and crime scene technicians seem to be a thing of the past.
All I want is to be a useful person. I want my work to have a positive impact in the lives of others. I want to be comfortable when I go to work (not too much social interaction) and my degree has to be do-able (not too much math or science). Tall order, apparently.
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