"Feminism" in the church

You know, it may surprise you, but I would never classify myself as a feminist. Firstly because I don't really know what that means. Second, because I'm more about equal rights than simply women's rights.

Anyway, I feel ostracised from my church sometimes because I think a lot of my friends and family identify me as a feminist. If not, a confused, liberal, wayward soul who will one day free herself of her crazy ideas and conform to the truth. I just know that some people feel like they need to be on the defensive whenever they talk about the church with me, especially when it comes to feminism. However, I'm really not as hostile as people think. I'm less angry than I am sad and troubled about the notions I hear people, leaders say.

Now, it's difficult to understand where I come from if you don't know what I believe. I believe the prophet communes with God. I'm not sure I believe that it is in person or anything, but I truly believe he is inspired when he asks to be. However, the apostles and all other leaders have the same amount of communication with God that I do. God is my father too, and I happen to commune frequently with him - 98% of that communication is through feelings. And I feel like some leaders have been mislead by earthly thoughts and male dogma when it comes to what they call inspiration. Hence, Elder Holland's talk about the fallacy of man.

Obviously, they're going to be right about things most of the time. All you have to do is pray with an open mind and an open heart, but if you fail at either of these steps, you'll be susceptible to misguidance. It happens to me occasionally, and I know it happens to them.

Anyway, now that you understand where I come from, maybe it would be easier to explain why I feel the way I do about women and their roles in the church, in the family, and in life. In our church, it is drilled into our skulls from an early age that a woman's rightful place, her destined place is to be in the home and to be a mother. They're not against women getting jobs and they "understand" when a woman is displaced for any reason from her home, but they claim to be saddened by that. They sometimes claim that it's ruining families not having the mother in the home.

Well, I disagree. I have never once felt like not getting a career. Since I was 5 years old, I wanted to be something. I have wanted to be a mother too of course, but only if I had a job as well and preferably a stay-at-home husband to balance things out. So, you can't say it was "the world" pressuring me to have a career since I've wanted one since I was 5. Where I really feel pressure is the church telling me any chance they get that I should be a mother and I am essential to the home. If every woman's divine nature and purpose is to be a mother, then logic follows that women are only women to be mothers. That is where I stop the buck. I know for a fact that I am a woman for so many more reasons than just being a mother. It's part of my identity and who I am. I feel so horrible when anyone even implies that my divine purpose is only to be a mother. There is more divinity to my womanhood than that. 

Of course I'm not saying motherhood is a bad thing or even a small thing. Procreating is essential and beautiful and glorious. It is divine. However, I get the feeling that people are confused as to what womanhood really means. In fact, I think they've melded motherhood and womanhood together. What would that mean for the infertile women? How must they feel? If they only understood how much God really cared about them and his purpose in making them who they are, I think they'd be much happier. Women are women. We have different anatomies, chemical compositions, and instincts than men do. There is so much more to being a woman than motherhood. Motherhood is part of it, and it's a wondrous opportunity for most of us, but it isn't womanhood.

Another problem I have (and it's the reason I've written this post) is the blatant objectification of women. This is what I would call a worldly problem simply because it is a problem in many parts of the world. I believe it stems from our anthropologic history of women. We've always been stereotyped as helpless, demure, and even weaker than out male counterparts. Perhaps even biologically we are weaker as men tend to build bulk muscle more easily.

Wherever it comes from, women have always been objectified. From cavemen who dragged women by their hair to a nearby cave to rape them, to today where rape and domestic violence are still common, we've been objectified. Now, in no way am I saying the church condones rape or violence in any way, but there is a different form of objectification seeping it's way into modern leaders' speech.

It's called modesty. Modesty is a way we show that we respect our bodies. It's a way to keep us pure. At least that's what they used to say. I understand it's place. I understand why it's important, however, it has become a tool for evil and I can't tolerate it anymore.

"[Y]oung women, please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you."- Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Pornography," Ensign, May 2005 p. 90

Let me tell you something: women, you are NOT pornography if you show some skin. God did not make pornography! That's ludicrous! Your body is a work of art and it's beautiful. Aside, men, if you really can't control your thoughts after seeing a girl's shoulders or thighs, that's a you problem that you need to work on. How can you say how wonderful and important women are to families and to God one day and the next tell them that, if they don't dress the way you like, they're pornography? How can you seriously say that?

It's not just here though. There are plenty of quotes about how we should be modest so men won't have impure thoughts. First, it makes the male seem like he has no control. It's silly. Second, it objectifies us. The very thing we're trying to stray away from!

Now generally, the church tries its best to keep clear of objectifying women. They say we were made differently yet equally. They give us church responsibilities and roles. They try to promote women's influence in all aspects of the church. And they generally do an impressive job. Also, I should add that 90% of the time, the leaders get it so right. They craft the most beautiful, meaningful, wonderful messages that I 100% approve of ether instantly or through thought and prayer. They receive inspiration. However, I just can't look away and ignore the discrepancies. I am shocked that so many don't notice or don't say anything. It makes me sad that people, women believe these things simply because it came from an authority's mouth!

Women, please know that your only master is God. Be prayerful and alert if something doesn't seem right. Do your duty as a child of God and communicate with him for yourself and voice your concerns. Ask questions and wait for the answers in faith and know that he is always there for you. He loves you and he wants you to be happy with your womanhood, with his gospel truth, and with his guidance.