I'm trying to make decisions.

But it's hard.
Making final decisions is hard, but I think it best I make them now before my brain gets fogged by pressure, emotions, or judgement from others.

I know I'm definitely not getting a transplant. If I live long enough to experience ESRD, I'm just gonna go with it. I don't have any interest in taking 30+ pills a day (30?) that cause cancer and other serious complications when I have a much higher chance of throwing a clot and losing the transplant. If they'll even consider me for such a thing with my blood.

I'm still unsure whether or not I want kids. Some days I want one, other days I just don't. I know I could get judged for that, but I don't have a lot of energy or patience - and those things are required for good parenting. I've never loved  being around kids or babies. But babies and kids are cute and Stephen would make the best babies. I think we'd make okay parents. I don't know if I'll be around to raise them.Oh yeah, there is the whole 50% chance of passing PKD on...

I'm not sure what to do about work. My back hurts more when I'm employed. Standing, bending, stress... I don't want to sit around all day, but I do want to be a productive person. I want a cool job, preferably. I want to get a degree in something I like and hopefully would be able to do for years. I hope it can be something I love (like mortuary science, forensic science, or something with a similarly high chance of working with bodies and making a difference). I'm not sure though...my back has been hurting a lot and I don't have long shifts.

What's most important to me is spending time with Stephen and having a great life - as long or short as it may be. We're gonna go to the beach all the time, go on cruises, Seaworld, Disneyland, India, Africa, and we'll have tons of cats and a dog or two.