Been awhile

Things have been going on. Not great, but not necessarily bad.

The symptoms are coming back. Tim said it would happen. He said I'd have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I'm learning to be okay with my limitations.

#1: I don't have the energy, nor the patience, to get myself through math 1010. I tried watching some videos and stuff, it doesn't make any sense. I need a lot of extra time to work through my slow cognitive processing speed, and teachers don't teach. They just assume you were lazy, but smart enough to pick up on this stuff. Seems to be a common theme, but sometimes people are just slow. And mentally ill.

#2: So maybe I can't even get an associate's degree. That was my goal- just an AS or AAS. Emergency service, mortuary School, or nursing school (SANE or FNDI)...might just not happen anymore.

#3: Can't work typical 40 hour weeks. I tried it. I had a great job that was easy, mindless, and my co-workers spoke Spanish almost exclusively. It was a perfect job (other than not being that meaningful to me), and I STILL got mouth ulcers. 3 if them! In less than a month! It's too much for little 'ol me, I guess. Which sucks. I'll never make a lot of money.

#4: So what do I do? First, I want to see if I can handle EMT stuff with people. I loved it, but I want to see if I can handle the patients. Second, massage therapy would be fun. It's one thing I've always considered, but never tried. I at least want to do it as a hobby. Heck, I've even considered getting better at viola and teaching or recording. I don't know! All I do know is that I'm not like other people, and success isn't this cookie-cutter "bachelor's and babies" idea that's been pedaled all my life.

I could still try to get into the medicolegal field and follow my dreams by getting a tutor for math too. There are always options.

EDIT: maybe I even want to push hard for social work again (BSW). I loved that, but was too scared. Am I still too scared?  I don't know. It's hard to try to figure myself out. Still. At age 24.

#5: It's okay to be different. It's also inconvenient and sometimes lonely to be different, but it's not inherently bad.