Right now my bone to pick is our sealing process. We've been seeing our bishop since January. Now, I've tried to see a few bishops for awhile now and I just ended up not going anymore because I wasn't ready to shape up. I had a lot of anger and resentment toward the church. But recently, I figured I was over it.
I thought I was over all the pain. I had been a diligent disciple up until I left for college, yet even during that time, the church was causing turmoil in my life. I stopped going. I didn't need church, I read the scriptures all the time. I knew what I knew. I knew what I still know - my testimony of the gospel and my patriarchal blessing. But, for some reason, it took a turn for the disastrous and I was no longer a diligent disciple. I was, in fact, fallen.
The worst thing in my life happened. One of the perpetrators went on to get married in the temple. I couldn't believe someone could get into the temple without being sorry for that kind of thing.Yet, it happened. That infuriated me. Then I realized that it had to happen all the time. Two people close to me went through the temple and lied their way in. The previously mentioned person must have lied her way in. Someone else close to me watched porn right up until he left for his mission. So...he lied or they let him in anyway.
So why? WHY do Stephen and I have to pray day and night, pray together, read scriptures personally and together, and all of this other stuff that these people obviously didn't have to do? It's completely unfair and I don't see the point. In fact, I think praying more than what's necessary is praying in vain, and God said he doesn't listen to those and they're useless.
And I'm tired of seeing my bishop every week. Why? So I can tell him that I didn't do what he asked again? I mean, I believe in sealings. I think the ceremony is a little odd, but I believe in them. I just do. So yeah, I want to be sealed, but maybe I'm just still sore about all of this. I can't believe all these people got to go through the temple and I can't because I'm upfront and honest??? How does that even work?!
I totally understand how you feel. There are many people that lie in order to go to the temple, like you say. Heck, I heard a story on my mission from a return missionary in a ward that one guy was in the middle of having sex with his girlfriend when he suddenly remembered he had to meet his parents at the temple in a few minutes for his pre-mission stuff. His girlfriend WAITED THOSE 3 HOURS for him to come back and finish the job, which he did.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm just saying this to let you know, I KNOW PEOPLE DO IT. I know I haven't been straight with my bishop about some things because I really can't stand the preaching. I still have problems and temptations like everyone else. I really gotta show you and Stephen a talk that I heard on my mission that really helps me out when I think that I'm too imperfect for any heavenly benefit.
I really hope your bishop doesn't see all these invitations he makes to you and Stephen as a checklist. I do hope he invites you to do these things so that you two can build your faith, because going to the temple isn't just a walk in the park. As you already know, unusual things happen in the temple, and unless the Spirit is there to confirm the love and peace someone feels as they sit in the temple rooms, they may begin to feel alienated and doubtful. I am not saying that you and Stephen are unprepared to go to the temple, because who am I to say that? It doesn't hurt, though, to try and build faith through the 3 basic building blocks: reading, praying, and going to church. Having served a mission, those 3 steps are the key. I've seen it change people. One of those 3 steps by itself is not strong enough to keep one's faith afloat. I believe you know what I'm talking about, when you stopped going to church but kept reading your scriptures. You still fell away a bit, huh?
I'll be honest, I don't read my scriptures. I go to church to feel the Spirit and I pray every once in a while, which is a heckuva lot more than I used to (i.e. never). Maybe you should be up-front to your bishop and ask, "At what point do you feel that we will be ready to enter the temple?" That is a very sincere question coming from someone that can't wait to go.
Another thought, wanna have a scripture study group? :B
Our bishop is awesome. He makes it a point to say he likes just visiting with us and he seems genuine. And he always shakes our hand at church. We're not quite ready. We need to get to paying tithing and I've only been off coffee for a short while. I also don't take the sacrament as I feel I don't deserve to, but I have the OK when the time comes that I feel like it. He says we could get sealed as early as September, but our goal is October. :D
ReplyDeleteAs for not going to church at Snow, I didn't really fall away. I was doing better than I am now. Not that you should ever stop going to church, but I was okay until I started dating Stephen :p But if I had been going to church, maybe I would've lasted longer than I did. And ever since we started going to church over here, we've seen a difference, so I'm not knocking church at all. I like it most of the time now.
I don't read them that much now either. I don't ever read the Bible. I don't/can't/won't believe most of what's in there because its many translations by many imperfect/biased/wrong people. But I always enjoy Mormon and Mosiah. Those (and my blessing) are what kept me in the church for a long time.
Stephen is getting the higher priesthood soon, so that should be cool! He's been helping prepare the sacrament and all. Soon he'll be able to bless it :D So that should be fun.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Matt! I'm glad someone knows what I'm talking about and it's not just me. We could do a study group...it would be odd for a few reasons that I could divulge at another time. But yeah! It's definitely possible. Thanks again! HUGS! - Vanessa