Things have gotten worse in some ways. The depression is worse. My digestion has gotten worse. But I am liking therapy. I mean...I hate talking about my problems, but I like having someone who can help me with them and will hear all the nitty gritty details of my issues.
I like having a viola. It's helped immensely just to have something I like to do available. It's really a beautiful viola.
Anyway, my psychiatrist has me on Bupropion again. I've been on it before, and it was bad. I'd keep getting heart palpitations, so I stopped after only a week. She believes it happened because I was put on too high of a dose too soon. It's a problem with anxiety patients, apparently. At least this has happened to other people, so I'm not too afraid of this medication.
The problem is - on the first day, mind you - my heart hurts. It's not palpitating, but it feels tight. My body feels tight too. Like...rigid. And I'm more anxious.
It's frustrating. This one is supposed to be good because, unlike most antidepressants, it will help instead of hinder sexual issues. It can aid in weight loss. What I'm most afraid of is exacerbating my IBS-C. I. Can't. Handle. It.
Rant alert** I'm this close to getting a colostomy bag. I'm serious. And I'm so tired of hearing people say: Do you drink enough water? Do you take enough fiber?
I do. I drink more water than most people my age. And yet... here we are. I'm sure there is something tangible that they can find if they just tried. I'm absolutely positive because this was a sudden, intense change. It was not gradual. And it's never gone back to normal - not even once - since April 19th, 2012.
They just refuse to try because I'm young. Bad things can't happen to young people.
Yet we know they can. I have PKD. No family history. Out of 1 in 500 to 1 in 1000 people, out of those few, 15% of them are like me.
So how is it not completely possible to have a simple gut bacteria issue? If some gene mutation can cause my body to kill itself, how can I not have a simple gut bacteria issue?
I didn't mean to go on a rant, it's just incredibly frustrating to see doctor after doctor just belittle me, if not, completely ignore me. I'd keep getting UTIs (a symptom of PKD), and I can't tell you how many nurses would tell me: "You know you wipe from front to back, right?"
No s**t. Nursing school taught you that? What a genius.
It was insulting and, turns out, it wasn't even my fault.
Anyway, new medication is always scary. I'm going to try it anyway because I want to get better.
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