Church things.

Toward the end of last year, as I was getting healthier, I found it easier to go to church. My attendance improved from "rare" to "often". Church was still largely uncomfortable at best. My skin crawled, and I found it hard to concentrate on talks because of it. There was no blood, but plenty of sweat and tears on the road to righteousness.

I just felt better about myself when I'd spend some time at church on Sunday. Like I fed a compulsion. Soon, it was time to do tithing settlements. It wasn't hard to admit that we hadn't paid tithing, but it was uncomfortable when I was told we could begin paying and be considered full tithe-payers. I don't like easy-way-outs when it comes to repentance. Still, it planted the idea that we should be real full tithe-payers. 

Neither of us had ever had a positive experience paying tithing. You'd always hear about miraculous events happening to people who sacrificed for the sake of tithing...never happened to us. But we have had a distant want to be sealed for a couple of years, so we figured this would be just another rung on the ladder toward that.

Not so.

Ever since our first tithing payment, I've noticed a big difference in what most people would attribute as "luck". Seriously. So many small things that would always go wrong just started to go right. My life was plagued with things going wrong, or being harder than they needed to be. I got two jobs that I shouldn't have gotten at all. Two jobs I wouldn't have gotten. When I ask for help for the most trivial upsets, the upsets disappear! It's difficult to explain, but there has been quite the difference.

Stephen is getting his patriarchal blessing on Sunday. We saw the temple together. We're actually going places now. And, when we recently ran out of money, the bishop offered us food through the storehouse. We got so much fresh food, things we couldn't normally eat because of the price. It's been awesome, we're so grateful!

Anyway, my grandpa and I were talking about it, and he said that "your money is where your heart is." It's true. And it's about time our hearts were in the right place.

Since these changes, for some reason, I'm finally understanding the bigger picture of this life. It's to be happy, sure, but also to serve God. To basically prove ourselves, and prove that we will choose God. Don't you think? 

Which leads me to my next point. For the first time, I'm feeling close to equal to men. Like we women actually are valuable. Not sure most LDS men are convinced, but I know God feels that way. For the first time, I feel alright sacrificing basically everything to make bodies for God's spirit children. I never really wanted kids. I still DON'T, but I am happy to serve in what ways I can. 

So there's my learning experience. I just don't want to forget any of this. The numerous blessings from tithing, the kindness from our ward, and the acceptance of what my body is capable of (presumably).