Intrapersonal

At first glance, being intrapersonally intelligent is stupid. It's generally the last in the list of intelligences. Probably because it's rare, perhaps more likely because it's the least useful. Honestly. It's easy to see how naturalistic intelligence can help with farming and food, logistic/mathematical intelligence with engineering and science, spacial intelligence with art and creation, linguistic intelligence with practically everything...

They are all so obviously useful and beneficial to others. Intrapersonal? Not so much. What is so good about being in-tune with and knowing your own self? How does that help anyone?

My conclusion (a half-baked one) is that we can be examples, at least, and very empathetic at best. Introspection is the star quality in intrapersonally intelligent people. It's second-nature to reflect and disect our feelings, thoughts, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. Generally, this breeds ethical behavior and motivations along with self-regulation.

From Udemy blog's Jesamine's article on intrapersonal intelligence:

Introspection

Introspection is the deliberate act of looking inward in order to gain insight into the nature of one’s own thoughts or feelings. An introspective person wants to understand why he or she thinks, feel,s or acts in a certain way, not as a means of justification, but rather as a means to better understand what might be working “behind the scenes”. If he or she uncovers jealousy or envy, then that will further be explored. Where does the jealousy come from?  Why am I envious? If fear is discovered, then he or she will want to go to the roots of that fear in order to find out where it started.  A person who has explored his or her inner depths in such a way develops an entirely different level of ethical awareness, one that goes far beyond the simplicity of a conventional ethical system."

Reading this has helped me understand why I annoy my MIL so much when I ask why she does/has done certain things. From whay I've been reading, it's just not normal for people to analyze their actions so deeply. They don't sit there for hours thinking about the patterns and motivations behind them. It may also be why she thinks I'm selfish. Thinking about myself all the time certainly does seem selfish!

But it has it's place. Introspection and self-awareness are important. Most of all, I think it fosters empathy and exploration of the feelings of others. We're naturally equipped to ask the deeper questions, we just need to help others apply it to themselves. 

All said, it's still the most self-serving of all the intelligences, and I'm not proud it's the most prevalent in my persona, but it's there. 

My therapist

I don't know how much longer I have with my therapist, but I'm already devastated. Ending therapy isn't a choice, but insurance only lasts so long. We've had a little over 50 sessions now. I've gotten so much better. He gave me hope, he made me feel like a worthwhile person instead of a chronic screw-up. He let me be myself, and helped me find my best self. He gave me a chance at a new life and happiness. I never thought I wouldn't look forward to dying. He, in more ways than one, saved my life.

I don't want to let go of such an important person in my life. I'm not ready for this. I can't stop crying.

I want him to see me succeed. I want him to know what he's done for me. I want him to be proud. I also worry I'll need him when I go back to school and get another job. All the hard things are coming up, what if I need help?

I don't know. It just feels like I'm losing such an important person in my life. How can I thank him? How do you say goodbye to someone like that?

Keeping it up

Things are moving right along in Vanessa world. It's absolutely horrifying - every. single. step - but it has to be done. Answering the door, answering the phone, being outside my house, holding decent conversations... All the stuff of nightmares. It needs to happen as frequently as possible so I can break the bonds of this disabling force in my life. It has to happen, and I finally have the energy and drive to accomplish something like that (now that the depression has mysteriously disappeared).

That being said, I'm healthy enough to go back to school! I applied today. I'm still going after the field of death investigation, but I'm doing a different program than anything I've done before. Another new start, and I'm determined to make it my last. It needs to be a secret, because I've jinxed and embarrassed myself enough! Unfortunately, people are always asking what you're up to when you're my age, so that's going to be difficult to dodge.

Anyway, this has been a bunch of self- indulgent frivolity. I'm just excited!