Latuda was the first antipsychotic I've ever tried. For the most part, I really enjoyed how I felt! I was in a decent mood most of the time, and I had focus and control of my thoughts that I didn't even know was possible! However, there were problems. Daily, in the evenings for the short time between coming home and falling asleep, I'd feel unbearably suicidal. It was making sexual things more difficult. It was inconvenient to take because it had to be eaten with 350 calories. I'd sleep a lot, and I was tired all the time. It wasn't cheap at $60/mo with insurance. And, eventually, I'll no longer have that, making the medicine $1,000+ a month.
For these reasons, I decided to go off of it. I didn't want to get used to a life/personality/mood/goals that couldn't be maintained anyway.
It's actually been extremely difficult since going off. I tried Zoloft again. Now I'm trying Bupropion again. Nothing is really helping. I feel so...down. All the time. I feel awful. My limbs are so heavy. It's hard to move. Literally keeping my head up takes effort. Showering is an event. I just don't have the energy to do anything anymore.
Thinking has changed in so many ways. I "chew" on painful memories again. Instead of the short, daily bouts of absolute agony, I feel moderately suicidal all day. I think of ending my life all day. It's never quite in the back of my mind, like on Latuda. It's been really hard to keep going. There is nothing I look forward to experiencing in this life.
Work is suffering. I can't sleep. I have no goals for my future. I'm hopeless. I don't care about anything. I've just been having a very hard time.
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