Volunteer?

Saturday was my last day of training. It was going pretty well.

Except that I was so worried I'd sleep through it that I didn't sleep at all.

I considered taking extra pills to compensate, but ultimately decided against it. I worried it would've made me dizzy. Anyway, I got there on time, and I didn't get lost! Things were going surprisingly well despite all the boring BORING paperwork we had to do! We had a delicious lunch. I was able to converse with some of the other volunteers with no problem. I was only as nervous as usual.

So I don't know why, then, I freaked out toward the very bitter end. 9 hours of training, and I stuck through 8.25 hours of it.

It was the group exercises that got me. Even those were okay, but it just got to be too much, too close to people...the usual. Everything. Why did we have to do four of them?

Anyway, the last one I just couldn't take it for some reason. Luckily, I got out before anyone could notice anything, but wow. It was incredibly embarrassing. I could barely (if I even did) tell the director why I couldn't stay and I just had to go home. She said we'd keep in touch and I asked her if I could still be a volunteer. She said yes, but I haven't heard anything yet.

I don't know if I'll ever hear anything. I don't know if I want to go back. I'm too embarrassed. But I'm still passionate about this. I gave up quite a bit to be at training, I don't want that to be in vain.

We'll see I suppose. Maybe I'm not cut out to do anything.