Bangs.

I've had bangs for much of my life. Voluntarily gave myself some at 12, probably had it quite a bit before, and I know I had some for years later. However, I finally grew tired of them growing out into my face in college, when I began to grow them out permanently from 2013. I really liked no more bangs. It made my face look longer, since you could see my short forehead. My skin was clearer from not having hair oil on my face. It was much easier to style - not that I did much of that, but there was a small variety of things I could easily do.

Well, I just cut them about an hour ago on a whim. See...Stephen had mentioned earlier that I looked so pretty (I was wearing clothes actual people wear). He continued: "But I think I've decided that I like you with bangs better." Now, he's not being a jerk. I ask him on occasion about what he thinks of whatever. He hasn't really had an opinion up until now, which is helpful to me. I want to be attractive to him!

The problem is, I no longer like bangs. It's not like I hate them, but I think I look better without. He's been doing that lately. He used to not like my tummy. I hate it, personally. He'd always say, when asked, that he likes everything about my body but, if he could change one thing, it would be my tummy. Now? Now he raves about it. He loves it and even says I could stand to gain more weight. I felt the best when I was 154 pounds. Even then, I still wanted to lose about 15-20 pounds. Do you see the issue?

I can see how this may have begun. When I first met Stephen, I was relatively physically healthy (or so I thought) and pretty overweight at 210 pounds. All that weight was basically on my stomach. Then I started getting very sick. By December that year, I was able to fit comfortably into a size 10 wedding dress (my usual size was 18/XXL). When I was weighed for my CT scan the following Fall, I was at my recorded lowest weight at 154 pounds. I've now gained (what feels like) a lot of weight back.

My point is that he's seen my body in almost every weight on the scale of possibilities. He's seen my hair red, black, natural-ish, and even bleached blonde. It's been many lengths with different styles, I think he's just finally got an idea of what he likes. Unfortunately, it's way different from what I like, but that's okay for now.