I'm not sure where to start with this one. Most people with humanity in them would be as heartbroken as I am. I guess I should say there are things I'm glad people don't see.
It started when I was about 16 years old. I wanted to be a crime scene investigator or something along that line. I knew real cops and related professionals had to be tough. I knew what they saw on a frequent basis, but I wanted to see it myself. I wanted to toughen myself up, so I'd look at surgeries. Soon, I graduated to crime scene photos and suicides. After awhile, I felt like it wasn't enough, so I stumbled upon this site that has all kinds of horrific footage.
I honestly don't know how they find these videos/photos, but I guarantee they're real. Again, I started small, with suicides. It's surprising how many jumps and hangings are filmed. I can't describe what I felt. I felt shame and some shock that I was watching someone's last moments of life. I felt a great deal of helplessness. I was disappointed they had to resort to death. I was angry at the website author's absolute irreverence toward death and his clear hatred toward anyone who isn't "aware" of the world around them. That's when I saw my first murder. These boys taped themselves murdering a homeless man. I not only saw everything, I heard everything. It was horrific, and I never visited that site again.
Until today.
It was a dramatic descent from harmless Youtube videos, to highway accidents, to elevator incidences, to that site - from a comment saying there could be an uncensored version of a horrific elevator accident in which a woman tries to escape from a stuck elevator. I'm completely ashamed, but my curiosity got the best of me and I went to the site, not realizing I had visited before.
That video was not there, but I spent a great deal of time watching other videos. They were mostly suicides by train, jumping, and firearms. It was sad to watch, wishing someone would just do something. Sometimes they tried, and they got to the victim too late. On a few occasions, the people did nothing. One that sticks out was a girl who jumped from an overpass in front of traffic. The traffic just went around her. As the car with the camera passed, you could see that she was still alive. The fall must not have been high enough. I don't even know how to feel anymore. That level of inhumanity used to make my blood boil, but I don't have the energy. It's disappointing to say the least, and it's very sad. Why don't they feel responsible for her? Or at least move her out of the road. Call the police, maybe?
I ventured into the murder section, figuring I was ready. I didn't get far. On the first page, my attention went to a video of the attack on Gaza. I remember complaining about this in an earlier post, so I figured it would be relevant to watch. This person was there right after the missiles hit. There were halves of bodies lying around. Clearly dead people, even kids, and my mind went right back to that stupid post on Facebook. It must be very easy for us to have opinions about these things when we aren't actually there.
That was enough for me. It's hard to know that I'm sitting here on my cushy bed while people are suffering. How many people will commit suicide today? What could have prevented that? How many people will be killed today for no reason? I can't handle people bickering about stupid politics and whining about meaningless nonsense knowing worse things are happening under our noses. However, at the same time, I'm glad some people can live in ignorance and not focus on the bad things. Maybe that's the point in fighting crime - to protect people from the harshness.
Anyway, let your loved ones know you love them and never forget to say it.
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