So there you go.
Anyway, at first I really didn't think we had anything in common. She's incredibly good at drawing and very crafty. I'm not. She's outgoing and has a number of friends. I don't. I love everything forensic science, thanatology, and pathology. She definitely doesn't. She went on a mission. I didn't, even though I once wanted and even prepared to. I guess we both like the ocean a lot, but I think she likes it more than me. Oh, and we have mental illnesses.
I don't think I believed her at first. She mentioned it a lot, so I figured it was another outcast-y person who felt down because she was abnormal therefore getting a prescription from a general practitioner, trying to get attention. Also, pulling the mental illness card for convenience or attention is a pet peeve of mine. I guess I was just so annoyed that I didn't consider the fact that depression is quite common and it's possible that people other than me had it. It took me a long time before I realized that and decided to believe her until I had evidence to the contrary. We mental people judge each other the worst.
I digress, I was annoyed with the fact that her existence was a secret. I was annoyed with the fact that she and my brother-in-law had cheap rings on their ring fingers before they were even considered engaged. I was annoyed with her anxious personality (the one we show in public due to anxiety, obviously). I really didn't give her a chance. And my brother-in-law was being kind of a jerk to me about it.
Anyway, after plenty of miscommunication and complete lack of communication, hurt feelings, all that, it all blew up one day after a dinner at Dennys. Believe it.
It was her first time meeting my father-in-law. Her new father-in-law. They were bunking with us for a few days. I was already anxious. She was, understandably, also anxious. My kidneys hurt and I was in the sun. My brother-in-law disliked and distrusted me. We didn't go to their wedding. So...I guess a blind man could've seen it coming.
Apparently I wasn't doing anything right. I wasn't standing close enough, talking enough, looking at the right people for long enough, all of it. No one said anything. Probably wouldn't have. That is, until I later texted my brother-in-law to tell her that going to Dennys was a great idea - her idea. He replied. "I will. And she still thinks you guys hate her btw."
The gloves came off. At first I was firm, but honest about how I felt. Which was not that I hated her. Ever. I reserve that feeling for two people in this world. But it eventually grew into me swearing at him. Perhaps understandably, but still infuriatingly, I began trying to call him because I couldn't text fast enough and he kept calling me names and saying I was judgmental and discriminatory and prejudice. It was...hurtful. More than anything, it was hurtful, because it was wrong, but I was also further pissed.
Since he wouldn't answer my calls, I called my husband. I burst into tears saying that yet another one of his family members thinks they know who I am and just called me a liar. When you pride yourself on honesty and it means everything to who you are and someone says it's not there, then...it just broke me. I hated it. Especially because he'd been saying racist things since he got home. I was being called prejudiced by the racist! I should mention he doesn't say those things anymore.
Anyway, my husband comforted me. He assured me he'd talk to his entire family later. I told him not to. We'd tried that before. It never works. Nothing works with them. I didn't want to bother beating my head against a wall again. I'll just handle it now by myself. I'm a big girl.
I was still on the phone with him when my brother-in-law answered the door. He had a stern face on. A front. I hung up the phone and pushed the door open, barging in. I can't even remember everything I said. I was borderline hysterical. Well...more like distraught. I was distraught. I remember saying: "How DARE you [blah blah blah]! I wasn't looking at her enough?! Are you serious?! I have the same thing! You use it as an excuse for her for everything and you can't ever cut me a break?! I said I'm willing to meet her!"
When I took half a second to re-assess my surroundings, I realized he was kind of stunned. The front had softened, but it seemed like he was still trying to keep it up. His wife soon emerged from another room. Before anything else could happen, I just hugged her and apologized. I did know where she was coming from. I've been treated like absolute detritus by this family. She had no idea how bad they could be, but I was the problem this time. Just me. Which is better than it being anyone else because I'm at least honest and upfront, but still. I should've been more trusting and forgiving.
Anyway, she was calm and had me sit down and got me some water. She was very nice. Anyway, to make a long story short, we talked a bit. A bit. And I wasn't really having any of it. She was telling me her sad stories about her wedding but, because mine were worse, I was just being kind of belligerent. I eventually softened up a bit and we made up. She told me to come by to see her anytime.
That was a few months ago. Last week, I finally decided to take her up on the offer. You know I don't want to visit with my own friends, let alone PEOPLE. But, after therapy (not that she was even brought up), I was feeling...outgoing. I really can't explain it. Like...I actually wanted to hang out with someone. A girl though. For some reason, she was the first person to cross my mind. She'll be so surprised, I thought.
She wasn't home though. I texted her and we decided to hang out that Saturday. I only got worried the night before. Kind of panic-y. It's normal though. And it was all for nothing. I just took an extra gabapentin, and things were fine. It was actually truly fun. Which was weird and unexpected. I thought things might be awkward, but they never were. Not even once, as far as I'm concerned. Most of all, I learned that we have a lot in common. At least as far as what we think goes. We have similar opinions about nearly everything we talked about. I say "nearly everything" in case I'm forgetting something.
In fact, I'm up for doing it again! I KNOW. It's crazy. I feel like I'm crazy. Or that it won't last. I don't know what's going on with my brain, but you know what? I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.
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