Ostracized

When you're afraid of people and communication with them leads to headaches and fatigue, you tend not to hang around them. If that doesn't push people away from you, surely your awkward interactions would. It's hard being a social phobe. It's especially hard in a society based in communication. Extraverts have it good. Heck, introverts have it better than social phobes.

But, as hard as it is to make and keep friends of strangers, it can be much harder to make friends of family. When I speak of my family, I just mean Stephen, my immediate relatives, and my mom's family. They're very close and they're people I can actually call family. They treat me well enough when we're together. Very well. Most of them at least are very kind to me and show interest in things I love. In fact, they really support me and have encouraged me when I felt discouraged.

However, despite the affection I receive when I'm with them, it's a different story when I'm not. For the vast majority of them, being friends in person doesn't equate to being friends on social media. That sounds hollow and benign, but considering it's my only form of communication with the rest of the world and with them when we're not together, it becomes considerable.

Not that I can't understand. My opinions are not normal, especially my political or religious ones. It's rare that I fully agree with anyone or anything. And they're a very religious very republican family. Not that I'm hardcore democrat or an atheist, but even worthy members with strange opinions and the wrong kind of libertarian (aka: me) can seem like polar opposites from them. Maybe because of this, most of them aren't friends with me. Two handfuls of them are still friends with me (bless their hearts), but have unsubscribed from my feed. I can tell because they never comment or like anything of mine. Ever. But I see activity from them on my relatives' pages frequently. Also, I have an annoying compulsion to call people out. Especially if what they're saying is stupid. It can be irritating, I'm sure. Most often people post opinions with expectations of agreement.

Even though I understand and even though the vast majority (if not all) of my relatives are kind and loving to me in person, it still hurts to know that my feelings, life events, and other things important to me are not as important to them as not having to see my unorthodox opinions.

Facebook is so stupid, but it's my only thing...out there. It's literally my only form of communication most days. It makes being alone much less lonely. I don't like a lot of the things most people post. It's almost always provocative, mean, meaningless, or political. However, I keep things open between me and most people because I know what they're saying means something to them. I like knowing what they think even when I think what they think is stupid. And those few times their posts aren't provocative or political, they're personal. Those make me happy. I love hearing about when people are doing well and having fun, and people living. I live through them, I guess.

I digress. I just frequently feel ostracized. I don't have to fit in, but I don't want to be ignored because of my political or religious beliefs.