Invitation...

I finally got some answers yesterday.

Yes, alllll of this. All of this petty nonsense began with a stupid invitation. Really. I didn't believe it, but it's true. Apparently that's perfectly fine because Stephen's grandma was "hurt" by it. First of all, she was invited, just not personally. Second, do they even know who Stephen is? Of course he'd not do that. Get OVER yourselves! Third, why did I get dragged into it? Why was I even involved in that? Fourth, WHY did that HURT her? Really?!?!?

If I even believe that...her life must have been very easy to get so "hurt" over something so incredibly minor. And now look where it's gotten us. Congratulations, I hope your indignation was worth it!

I've come to realize that they're both just extremely fragile people. So fragile that they build up this "emotionless", "tough" exterior to potect themselves. I had a hunch when Steve's mom made a point of telling me she "doesn't care what people think". I'm not sure why people tell me that, but she's not the only one. I do know that people who say that, however, are usually the ones who care the most.

So...an invitation. They lashed out at BOTH of us for not inviting his grandma personally. It's petty and shocking. I really thought it must have been something else because that is just truly shocking. Maybe that's why I'm still blathering on about it.

Moving on.

Her argument to me was that yes, she used to talk to everyone about me and now she doesn't, so I have no right to be mad. She even admits she was wrong and apologized, yet still defends herself and tells me how "hurt" she is that I've been "broadcasting our troubles to the world".

First of all, Facebook is not the world. Certainly not my friends. I have 104 friends. 70% of them are family, I'm sure. My family doesn't give a lick. And my friends wouldn't judge her for what I said. They're not that shallow. Though, that is what she seems to have cared about the most. Just clearing her name. I mean, she apologized for talking bad about me, I don't think I believe it though, because she then tells me that I have no right to do the same because she hasn't done it in awhile.

Anyway, apparently lots of people know about what Stephen did. That is beyond me. She claims to not like hearing about it, yet she'll tell everyone else about it. As if she and her other son are perfect (though she kept saying over and over that she's just a person doing her best and failing. Is this really her best? I don't believe it. She's more capable than this). And with them, she criticized me for staying with her son and how I "blamed the woman". So funny....I don't remember that ever being the case. Ever. It's not her business anyway! Which she admitted to, and apologized for. I just don't want to accept that one. It may be genuine...I'm not sure...but that is pretty unforgivable. It's just very slimy and low.

She said she misses me at her family get-togethers and says: "You don't think that hurts me? You don't think I think about how I can ever make it up to you?" No, I actually don't think it bothers her at all, for the record. I told her I didn't want to see her family again. I don't want to be around people who've treated me so poorly. Not interested. And then she asked: "What about me?"

And I just really couldn't think of a good answer. There's a lot that would go into that. I'd have to be willing to take the high risk of something coming to light again. I know she was unsympathetic because she kept saying that I bring things up over and over (which I do because she NEVER puts it to rest. There is always something she hides, and it always gets back to me). Yet I, for some reason, believe her when she says she hasn't gossiped about me since December. Then again, she just wants me to forget everything and "forgive" her.

I cannot and will not forget any of the bullshit they've put me through.

Over a stupid invitation.

To a rediculously stupid wedding.

That I didn't even WANT!

In sum: she has yet to apologize for them ruining my already-sham of a wedding because her mother was "hurt". She believes they were all justified. She apologized for talking to "many people", "the majority of whom [I'd] never meet" about Stephen's infidelity and criticizing me for staying with him.  She "had her reasons to", but is nonetheless "sorry". It's...iffy. Then she admitted to defending Karyn when we asked her not to be friends with her on Facebook anymore. Come on, that should be easy if she has no connection to her. Yet she fought it. Which she said it "wasn't her best judgement". I'll take as an apology. If what she said about it was true, it probably looked like I was making a big deal of nothing.

But, to me, Stephen told her about the infidelity, she remarked that "maybe [Karyn]'s repented of it by now." NOTHING like "sorry, Vanessa, that my son would do that" (she actually does feel really bad about what he'd done, but she didn't say so until yesterday). She later told me she was thinking about going to Karyn's wedding. I asked her to please not and assumed/hoped she didn't (she says she didn't). And then here she was with her as a friend on Facebook. And THEN she resisted unfriending her! What would that look like to you? It was a misunderstanding wrought with bad decisions and poor judgement. Anyway, we finally got somewhere.

Then something happened. She has always denied talking poorly about me behind my back. Every time. Last December (when we reconciled), she inched toward the truth: "If I ever did talk about you, it was to try to get to know you."

She claims now that she was never trying to hide anything and that she wasn't so dumb as to not know all of this would get back to me. Which is strange...because why would she say those things if she knew they'd get back to me? Did she want an argument? Don't think so. Unless she wanted me to leave Stephen, it doesn't make any sense. "And", to quote judge Judy: "if it doesn't make sense, it's not true." Very shady. Yet she insisted.

Anyway, somehow the conversation got to that point. Her saying she never intended to hide anything, and me quoting her from December as proof to the contrary. Then she had the AUDACITY to say: ""If" was not a denial."
"Give me a break." I replied. As in surely you're taking a piss.
"If" is a qualifier. I used it correctly."

Welp. That did it. Can't anyone from that family be honest about anything? Either way, how does gossiping help you know me better?

I said: "No wonder your kids were such assholes." And she replied with her classic: "I'm sorry you feel that way." Which she can SHOVE as far as I'm concerned. Deflection. "No you're not. Shut up.", "Stop lying to me. I never want to see you again.", "I'll be blocking you now."

All I want from her and the rest of them is an honest apology. One that has no caveats, just a genuine apology. None of this should have happened at all. I'd also just like more honesty, period. I do NOT like liars. In any shape or form. What the actual f**k made them mad at me? Still don't know. I'll probably never know. I asked, but it was glossed over, as usual.

One thing that really bugged me though, was that she kept insinuating that I think she's so horrible and that I don't realize she isn't perfect. She got very offended when I called her mean (mean. Come on. We've both called eachother worse).

First of all, she has been mean to me. She's admitted to it, so I don't understand why that would bother her. Second, there is only one person in this world who I think is irredeemably horrible. It ain't her. Third, most importantly, I would NEVER use the word "perfect" to describe her. Never. So why does she feel the need to tell me she isn't? Of course I don't think she is! I said she was mean!!! Does mean coincide with perfection now?

Good grief. She kept turning things in on herself like I was attacking her.

I don't do this often, it's kind of an invasion of privacy, but I don't think she'd mind this portion.

If I wanted to attack her, she'd know it. That was my point. Like...she doesn't even know enough about me to know what I think of her! That's how little she knows me.

Everyone who knows me knows I don't think anyone is perfect. Hardly anyone is even tolerable to me. I just want honest people I can trust in my life. It shouldn't be hard! Maybe she is telling the truth about being sorry. How should I know? That's the problem with being shady.

And why does Stephen's family think I'm so judgemental (childish, and self-absorbed)? It's beyond irritating. No one is perfect (not even me *gasp*), but imperfection does not justify these kinds of actions. It just doesn't. She can't keep saying stuff like that to get off the hook.

Anyway, it was nice in some ways, irritating and bad in others, but enlightening in all.