Poor Kitty

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Driving home last night, I was thinking of what - if anything - I care enough to do anymore. And I NEVER thought I'd say it, but I was content with doing nothing. I am pretty much done trying. There's a point where you should just learn to stay down and crawl away. Haha! Like...I finally got an "in" in the mortuary field because of this angel from my ward. She just randomly introduced me to her dad and gave me her uncle's phone number (a former mortician and a current one, respectively). They offered me tips and advice and a bit of knowledge about how things work. I couldn't have been more grateful to her. I'm still shocked that she was aware. How??

Anyway, all that needs to be done is a resume. And mine looks terrible right now. What can I say? "Fails most classes (except CJ, woo!)" "1.0 GPA at current school" "Hobbies: Reading, sleeping, and viola sometimes" "Last job lasted 9 months, quit because of fear"? Of people?! Sounds so stupid. And I know that's being a bit reductionist. I have taken Mort1010, I love thanatology, the majority of books I read are nonfiction written by medical examiners. And that's alright, but it gets bowled over by the negatives. Maybe I'm just being negative. And scared.


ENOUGH ABOUT ME!

So...my poor cat was sleeping under my left arm last night. I was on my back, and I kept getting nightmares. Nightmare after nightmare. One of them had like fire falling from the sky with billowing smoke trailing after them. A nuclear bomb emerged from the clouds and landed near "my" neighborhood (this took place at my parents' old house). And I was freaked about the aftershock, but it didn't reach that far. Somehow. But it woke me up anyway.

Another one involved a lot about past trauma stuff, and then it ended with my brother asking if I wanted to see this spider that was "like...fishing for another spider". I said sure (that's how you KNOW it's a dream), and then he told me Stephen couldn't come - and listed a reason I can't remember. Then I felt a spider on my left arm in real life and went to freaking punch it's lights out, but I just ended up - I think - smacking Millie who, in turn, scratched Stephen. I felt so bad.

And I remember repeatedly jolting awake and bothering her and Stephen seriously all night. With the 5th or so nightmare jolting me awake, I just decided to stay that way. So Millie is getting extra pets today. She's so sweet.