I think it's just because I've had a miserable week.
My birthday turned out alright, despite not being planned. It wasn't special, but we had some fun. I was disappointed the day before, so we fought. Then, Stephen called his mom the day after, because she'd texted him the day of (knowing it was my birthday). Then we fought some more, because she was being a jerk. Apparently it's on me to forgive her. It's always on me. It's always my fault. But I still don't know what her problem with me is. No one is upfront over here, and it's driving me insane.
Anyway, I was the problem again - even staying away from these people isn't good enough! So we argued more. Pretty much all week, we've been arguing. It's been miserable. And I wonder if that was the intention. I think they just want me to divorce him. And I was about to. A couple of times.
As much as I love Stephen - and I obviously do love him - I can't handle everything he put me through IN ADDITION to all this in-law nonsense. I will not have it. Nobody else would put up with this. Why am I being gossiped about? And why not just say your problems to my face/be ufront when speaking through email or messaging? They just tip-toe around everything and say everything is fine and they don't hate me, but then I hear that she's been talking about me again. Why? I don't do that to people I don't hate. Why would someone do that at all?
If they want me to leave Stephen, they'll get their wish if they keep this up. I can love him if we're not married or living together. Loving him is not a problem, but I don't want to deal with their childishness. I don't deserve it.
This entire year has been pretty miserable. I just want it to be over. Is it too soon to be excited for New Years?
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