I'll be okay.

I don't know what it is, but lately everyone has been saying I seem happier. It's untrue. I contest I am less happy. But I don't really know. My bowels aren't giving me as many problems since I've been taking a super primrose supplement. It has prostaglandins in it, which, depending on the type, should help with smooth muscle contractility. I think it is helping.

Anyway, that's a huge relief, but I don't expect my bowels to ever be normal again. So, I try not to think of that anymore. I've also been going to church since February, purely for my bishop's sake, but now we have a new one and I could have stopped going, but I didn't. It makes us happier overall, I think. I can't tell you why, as we don't usually stay for the entire meeting (anxiety and sometimes physical health issues), but it's made a noticeable difference for sure.

I'm getting more and more distressed when it comes to school. I just don't do well in it. I've never done well except in high school orchestra and french (of all things), and college criminal justice. I did well in English too, but I don't want to say that because I don't use it very well. But seriously every other class is just a struggle. A monstrous struggle. And for what?

I don't know what to do about school anymore. I just want to be done, and I realized I could finish my AS in Criminal Justice and get an EMT-B by the time I'd be done with mortuary science (if I even get into the program next year, and that's becoming more and more of a stretch). But I don't want to give up on this. I want it.

I'm gonna play this card real quick, but PKD is seriously taking it's toll. I can't describe how it feels to know you're going to get sicker. You just are, no matter what you do. I'm pretty unhappy with my health the way it is, and if it gets worse, I don't know how to handle it. I know I will though.

And finally, all my family drama. I can't decide what to do about it, but that's bugging me too. I just wish I was given a chance. A lot of people misunderstand me. Stephen has said many times that I'm the most misunderstood person he knows. And almost every internet quiz says I'm misunderstood as well. That's not something to go off of, but I can't help but think it's accurate. I don't know what people think of me. I really don't, but it seems that they either think I'm way cooler than I am or a terrible person all around. There is nothing in between. And that's hard. I try to be as upfront as possible, to avoid these things, but it just seems to happen anyway.

Well, I'm off to pick up Steve. Thanks for listening to my complaints.