Mental Health

As you well know, I have mental health issues. I've tried a few different antidepressants with some luck, and a tranquilizer with a vast amount of more luck. But nothing has been safe and effective. 

So my anxiety goes untreated. And that is really hard. I stay up all night sometimes worrying about things I can't do anything about. And I know I can't, and my doctor suggested that realizing this would help, but it doesn't. I still worry. Due to my anxiety, social and otherwise, I get depressed. It isn't chronic, it comes and goes in the forms of deep bouts of severe and longer periods of moderate/light, with normality in between.

Anyway, my point wasn't to be too clinical and whine-y. I just wanted to vent somewhere about how I need a break. I need a mental health year. I just want to not have anything to do or anyone to see. Not that most people are horrible or anything. On the contrary, most people who want to reach out to me are very kind, thoughtful people.

That just doesn't matter though. I'm still anxious when they want to talk with me or give me things. I haven't seen my visiting teachers in forever and it's not because they haven't tried to set meetings up, I just never want to do them. I don't want to leave my house or even get dressed sometimes. I just want to sleep or eat. Maybe watch TV or play games, but that sometimes gives me negative/anxious feelings.

I don't know. Today I decided I wasn't doing anything. I decided not to go to school, not to worry about homework, not to worry about money, global warming, socializing, my future, babies, getting sick, world suffering, dishes, nothing. And I'm doing okay. I'm still not dressed, and it's nearly 5pm.

I could really use more of these breaks.