Life just keeps getting worse...

I am friends with a racist. I can't believe this could ever happen to me. I'm not even trying to be funny here. It literally breaks my heart.

He has said so many things in passing. Maybe that's why he's so quiet, because he knows what he thinks is wrong (or at least unacceptable to those around him). It's weird because he left me a couple of years ago and set off with the mindset that you should love your brothers and sisters. And now he came back like this?! It's so horrible. I don't want my possible kids going on missions if this is what will become of them. And I'm sure glad my husband didn't go.

And now I'm unsure of what to do...how to go on. If he wasn't my friend, he'd be gone by now, but he is my friend. I like things about him. I have fun when he's around. I care about him. I am loyal to him. But it hurts knowing that he feels this way about other people. What could he think of me? One day, I might be taking government handouts. God forbid, but I might not be a productive member of society. What then? Or is it okay because I'm white and I don't wear weaves?

It's just unbearable. I guess I should have known, as he was saying while he was out there that he didn't like that some woman, afflicted with multiple chronic illnesses, didn't have her dishes clean. Her house wasn't clean and it made him feel uncomfortable. Does he judge everyone this harshly?

He didn't dress that well in school. He scared people off because of what he wore. People missed out on meeting a neat guy because they judged him. And now he's doing that to others because of their skin? It's absolutely unacceptable. And it really hurts me. He saw anger from me. I yelled at him as coherently as I could at that point, but I am not angry, I am heartbroken.

No matter what you saw or didn't see out there, it doesn't justify the way you think. It doesn't justify you pulling the entire race into stereotypes. And I believe in stereotypes, but I know, because I have common sense, that not all people of any race are the same. They all have their reasons for what they do and who they are. They have environmental, economic, historic, and cultural reasons for each of their individual behaviors, like white people do, like Asians do, and every other race you can think of.

I'd like it if he took a sociology course. I think that could help him - and anyone who suffers from racism - to become more aware. I hope he will change at least, because I don't know how to deal with this aspect of him. I wish it didn't exist, and that would make things easier.

Damn this.