Conflicted.

So I'm going to let you in on a little secret (maybe regrettably):

A few weeks ago, I dropped all my 2015 Spring semester classes and signed up for the EMT-B course, a math course (0950 obviously), and medical terminology.

"Why?" You may ask. You're so darn close to finally getting an AS in criminal justice! Why would you do that? Why?! WHY!? Or maybe that was just me.

It's because I thought I knew what I wanted!!! Firstly, I wanted to be done with school. I'm so tired of school. Second, I wanted to work as a coroner technician/medicolegal death investigator. I can get there through emergency medicine (though I'd have preferred mortuary science). Great! Less math, cooler, more useful learning outcomes, and I know how to save someone's life. Win-win. I affirmed this decision in my mind by thinking it could help at girl's camp (if you remember, my blessing says I'll "work with young women" and "share of my talents"). So I thought I was brilliant.

But then my Crime Scene Investigation Techniques class final happened. I loved that class (even though the other 4 students hated me), but the triangulation and sketching bit scared me to death. After all, I can't draw, I have no concept of space and distance, and I still don't quite grasp the intricacies of triangulation. I just know it has math involved. So, I was basically scared away from any notion of becoming a crime scene tech by the second day of class. And I'd wanted to do that for much longer.

But then my teacher appointed me the photographer for our final. That's the most important function in our class. At first I was a bit worried because I'd never done it before, but the teacher assured me I was making it harder than it was.

And BOY was he right! I haven't had that much fun in a long time. I just loved pretending it was real and going in and out of the crime scene tape to take photos! I loved adjusting the camera to get a good look. I tried to channel photos I'd seen in Forensic Files and I kept thinking: "could they use this in Forensic Files?" "If I was a juror, would I be able to get the right idea of the crime scene?". Yes, it's incredibly nerdy, but it was SO FUN! I especially liked not having to worry about measurements and triangulation.

So now I wonder if I should try to be a CSI tech again and switch back to my other classes. Grrr... And it's not like I wouldn't be happy either way!! I'd be happy! But I think I'll always wonder what could've been no matter what I do.