I'm tired.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being misunderstood and mistreated.

I still don't know or understand why my husband's family gave us Hell - but will congratulate his brother - for the same deed, but I've been making such progress that I have a hard time focusing on that. Yes, it's ultimately why I didn't go to the wedding (and extremely heartbraking), but, per advice, I'm trying to let it go. I can't control other people, as much as I'd really love to at least influence them sometimes.

Something really amazing has come of all of this though. I'm really gaining a relationship with my mother-in-law. A real relationship. It's weird that, of all things, this type of event would cause that, but it's true. It was *surprisingly easy to let go of almost 2 years of hatred and resentment after she apologized. Not only did she genuinely apologize, she explained things. She didn't give excuses. She didn't lie. That was more than I ever could have hoped for from her, but all I ever wanted. She really isn't who I thought she was.

She's been through Hell, too. She has struggles and questions too. She fights her natural inclinations too. She understands things more and has much more compassion than I ever would've expected. It's just a side of her I never saw, or at least never let myself see. She really is easy to talk to because she has a lot to talk about. I hope I can converse as naturally as she does someday.

We literally talked for 4 and 1/2 hours last night (and we could've gone on, but I had to pick up Stephen). I got two really good hugs out of the situation. It was just much more than I ever expected. I never thought I'd step foot in that house again - so many bad memories and hurt etched in the walls - but she was worth it. She was there when I really just needed someone. She forgave me instantly for hurting her son's feelings and seemed to understand my reasons. If she didn't, she's a great actress.

Either way, it was really an event. 3 days ago, I would have laughed at this. But every cloud really does have a silver lining.