Notebook

Today I decided to carry a notebook with me.

I can't help but realize, when I get to therapy, that I don't have much to talk about except recent and upcoming social events that I'm freaking out about. I feel like he just tells me I'm being crazy (in the nicest way possible) and then I say "You're right." and we end up taking the whole time doing that. Well, not the whole time. He asks me about specific relationships sometimes and he just tells me what's normal and what's not.

But I can't help but think we're wasting time. And I think John feels the same way. I feel like the purpose of therapy is to undo my thought processes and downward-spiraling, circumlocutious reasoning. I feel like there are two brains in my head, a reasonable one, and a crazy, morbid, random, untrained one that I have to constantly keep in check. It's really frustrating and tiresome. I think John would like to help me with that or other deep-seated brain issues.

But I just can't get to that stuff. It's uncomfortable and, frankly, I don't know if he'd even be able to help that stuff. I'm sure he doesn't want to push, either. Another thing is that I think of all these issues or problems I have with interacting with people and I want to talk to John about them, but I forget them during the session or I get distracted.

So, I'm going to keep a notebook on me to write these things down on so I don't forget.

I don't know why it's worth writing about...I'm just excited about my brilliant idea.