Facebook

I don't know why I've come back. I guess I just wanted people to see the real me. Me minus major depression and social phobia.

So far, it's just been disappointing. Besides the constant misinterpretation of my complex feelings and ideas, I don't think I like hearing what people have to say about some things. I wish (and thought) I was adult enough to get over it, but I can't handle it when someone is uninformed about something and yet they have very firm opinions based in that ignorance. Not that I can blame them. As open-minded as I am (or thought I was), I still came to my beliefs through experience and knowledge, just as they have. Their opinions are just as valid to them as mine are to me. My point is that I feel like every single thing I post is something someone has a problem with. And I guess the solution to that is to never post controversial things or things that are important to me, but where else can I do that? What is Facebook for, if not posting things that are important to you or that you like? And it's not even like anyone cares what I think or like anyway.

And then there is the fact that, now that my anxiety is gone and my depression is in full bloom, I don't really understand who I am. Sometimes I feel like "Wow, I'm actually pretty cool." and then other times I feel like "Wow, I'm super boring and much more irritable than I thought. Total package." Anxiety has just been such a huge part of me and it had affected so much that I'm just lost now. It's difficult to find yourself after that and I worry a lot that I just won't like me.

I worry no one likes me sometimes. Not that that's essential for my life goals, but it would be nice to feel like I mean something to someone. I want to mean something to myself, most of all, but that can only happen after I become much more patient, much more open, loving, charitable, and much less depressed. Good freaking luck.

In summation: Facebook sucks. I should probably delete it again.