Freaked Out

I'm extremely freaked out. I know I'm supposed to take the medicine and deal, but I can't possibly deal with weight gain. I can't. I'm desperate to enjoy the body I have now before it gets gross. I can't deal with weight gain.

But Paxil is the most potent SSRI, so it's the best they can offer as far as that class goes, but it is also the most infamous for causing weight gain. I can't deal with that! I don't know if I can keep taking those.

On another note, I'm basically loving the Gabbapentin for anxiety! It works pretty quickly. The first pill felt like the top of my head was blocked off and replaced with heavy books which were tied to threads pulling my lower jaw. It was weird. I still get jaw tightness on and off, but it's pretty much worth it. I've been getting what feels like mini headaches or pre-headaches where the books were, but that might just be my brain getting used to things.

I also worry it's affected my digestion. As bad as it is already, it seems as though the pill has blocked off nerves in my bowels. Or maybe muscles? I don't know. It just seems like things I used to be able to push with are no longer under my control.

That's probably TMI. Anyway, I'm okay with the results so far. I wish the bad side effects didn't exist or I'd love the results, but you get what you get.