I don't know what to do. My cognition, once again, is diminishing with the anticonvulsant. I had hope that this would be different because gabapentin is not a controlled substance.
Alas, my cognition is leaving me and I think it's progressing. I forget words much more easily and I'm starting to make pauses again (though, not as badly). I get dizzy after standing for so long and I'm definitely not as alert when I'm driving. I think that's just because of the lack of anxiety though.
Speaking of which, I'm still really happy with the anti-anxiety benefits. I'm free to be a loving person! There was a couple in the laundry room and we went in soon after them (something that would've caused me some issues before) and, when they left, they said goodbye. I not only said goodbye back without being completely awkward, I also added: "Have a good night!". I feel like a real person now, though I'm still learning to adjust to me minus anxiety.
So that's AWESOME! The depression, however, remains unhelped. I'm too scared. But I'm so incredibly miserable that I have no motivation or energy to do anything.
I was talking with John the other day and he suggested I disclose my issues to my teachers in an attempt to plead for mercy to save my grades. He said he'd be willing to write a letter for me because my psych test scores were "significant". I feel like my depression is significant, but I'm so embarrassed about it. I literally can't even imagine disclosing it, especially because it would seem like an excuse (and I'm NOT into that). I'm also worried I'll cry and that's...terrible. Cop teachers, remember?
I will see John and Dr.K again in the beginning of December, but I'm thinking I should try to get a different AntiD prescription before I see her again, or at least inform her that I'm not taking the Paxil.
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