Getting Help

You may have noticed that I've not been writing at all lately. It's because I couldn't handle myself anymore! I tried cutting everything out of my life (especially social media and blogging) to take a minute and figure out what my problem was.

As you may or may not know, I've had an interesting and unsuccessful battle with mental illness. All this time I figured general anxiety disorder was the main problem and depression was secondary to that. I tried a few treatments and nothing worked (without serious side effects anyway), so I figured I'd just deal with it on my own.

That obviously wasn't working. After losing my job and doing poorly yet again in school (with no good excuse this time), I sucked it up and sought help. I'm glad I did. My problem was not generalized anxiety disorder, it was social anxiety disorder (with hypervigilance) and major depressive disorder. I've been diagnosed by an actual mental health professional now.

I then saw a psychiatric nurse practitioner who has started me on medication. She wants to see how this goes and then decide on new medication or changing doses. I've done some very cursory research into these medications and what I like the most is that neither of them is a controlled substance. One is classified as an analgesic, so that's odd, but I'm grateful for the pain relief and social anxiety benefits. It's apparently useful for people like me. It's probably why she prescribed it. Smart lady! Also, I've been prescribed Paxil for the depression and anxiety. It's good for "drug-resistant mood and anxiety disorders" as well as PTSD and OCD. So that's also appreciated.

I'd be surprised if this wasn't just the beginning of a long search for the right medication and doses, but I'm feeling good about this. It seems as though she really knew her stuff and I love that I'm getting help for my real problems and not just some pussy antidepressant that doesn't work.

Everyone has been really supportive. I'm not that surprised as I have many friends who also battle with chronic illnesses and depression. I'm still a little embarrassed. I know of too many people who look down on those with depression. And how could I be depressed with everything I have? But I know it's not under anyone's control. It's a medical issue just as much as a mental one.

Anyway, I'm hoping to feel better soon and start to really live. That would be nice.