Hermit/update

Sometimes it dawns on me how much of a hermit I am.

And I'm perfectly fine with it.

I've deactivated my facebook account - basically my only connection to the outside world - and I feel much happier on average. I also have more time to do things that are more fun. Win-win! Usually I don't see or interact with anyone but Stephen and fastfood workers/waiters and I really like it that way. It makes the occasions where I see my handful of friends or family extra special.

Anyway, I've been having a crazy hard time getting a proper sleep schedule, so today I completely embarrassed myself when someone said hello to me and I replied by saying "Good morning." It was freaking 5:30pm. Most people got up about 12 hours ago. It's not morning.

My anxiety, as you may remember, has improved tremendously. However, I'm realizing it's still not where I want it to be. I get really anxious if someone compliments me. I still get irritated/freaked at semi-loud noises. I'm still avoiding church and other activities where I'll be exposed to people for prolonged periods. I'm not sure if that's anxiety or just normal. It's hard to guage what's normal when you don't know what normal is.

I've also had vast improvement in my IBS-C, which leads me to think a lot of that was from anxiety because this medicine is supposed to worsen that issue, but it's not so in my case. I'm so grateful.

I just wish I could find a similarly miracle-working drug for the depression. I never realized how debilitating it was. I just blamed everything on the anxiety. I just don't want to do anything. I'm so incredibly fatigued - though that is a symptom of depression, anxiety, and PKD. I don't find much enjoyment in anything. I worry what kind of useless life I'll live if I don't get this fixed.

Despite all that, things have really been improving for me and I couldn't be more grateful.